Life Is Just One Big Clusterfuck
So.... yeah.
My life has become the black hole of fucking doom.
I nearly had a mental breakdown last week, due to an influx of schoolwork and a project that almost wasn't completed. Said project was almost ruined due to a friend who fucked up and left me holding the bag, once again. Needless to say, when I confronted said friend... I ended up leaving and having to walk around campus for a good twenty minutes with another friend because I was crying so hard that I didn't want to get yelled at for breaking quiet hours.
When presented said project, friend fucked up once again, leading me to realize that I couldn't room with said friend next year. So... freaked out about that all weekend.
Plus, last week was Greek Week, with all of its myriad of activities, obligations, and guilt trips coming into play. By the time Friday finally finished its hellish glow, I was so burned out that only a weekend of solitude and sleep could fix.
Then, last night was my initiation into Phi Mu and all that entails. Initiation lasted from 9:30 PM till 12:30 AM, and I didn't get to sleep till about 1:30 AM due to last minute stuff I had to get into order for classes today.
Today is when the universe took one look at my life and decided that I just hadn't been tested enough.
My grandma, the only one I have left, has cancer. She had a tumor in her bladder and they removed it, and did tests. She has cancer, and it is the kind that 20% of the time spreads to other organs and such. 20% of the time it is invasive.
My grandma is in that 20%.
So now, it is a waiting game to see if she is able to have surgery to remove her bladder. However, her arteries are really bad so she might not be able to have the surgery. If so, then she has to have chemo and radiation, but by then it could be too late.
Universe?
I get it. This is just some big test to prove how much I can handle, how capable I can be.
But I'm getting off this fucking ride.
Fuck you and your stupid tests.
This isn't fair. It isn't fair that I should have to lose one grandma and risk losing another in less than a year. I shouldn't have to have a breakdown over homework and have family issues and have the fact that my dad has been out of work for almost a year.
It's just too much.
It isn't fucking fair.
And you know it.
I quit.
My life has become the black hole of fucking doom.
I nearly had a mental breakdown last week, due to an influx of schoolwork and a project that almost wasn't completed. Said project was almost ruined due to a friend who fucked up and left me holding the bag, once again. Needless to say, when I confronted said friend... I ended up leaving and having to walk around campus for a good twenty minutes with another friend because I was crying so hard that I didn't want to get yelled at for breaking quiet hours.
When presented said project, friend fucked up once again, leading me to realize that I couldn't room with said friend next year. So... freaked out about that all weekend.
Plus, last week was Greek Week, with all of its myriad of activities, obligations, and guilt trips coming into play. By the time Friday finally finished its hellish glow, I was so burned out that only a weekend of solitude and sleep could fix.
Then, last night was my initiation into Phi Mu and all that entails. Initiation lasted from 9:30 PM till 12:30 AM, and I didn't get to sleep till about 1:30 AM due to last minute stuff I had to get into order for classes today.
Today is when the universe took one look at my life and decided that I just hadn't been tested enough.
My grandma, the only one I have left, has cancer. She had a tumor in her bladder and they removed it, and did tests. She has cancer, and it is the kind that 20% of the time spreads to other organs and such. 20% of the time it is invasive.
My grandma is in that 20%.
So now, it is a waiting game to see if she is able to have surgery to remove her bladder. However, her arteries are really bad so she might not be able to have the surgery. If so, then she has to have chemo and radiation, but by then it could be too late.
Universe?
I get it. This is just some big test to prove how much I can handle, how capable I can be.
But I'm getting off this fucking ride.
Fuck you and your stupid tests.
This isn't fair. It isn't fair that I should have to lose one grandma and risk losing another in less than a year. I shouldn't have to have a breakdown over homework and have family issues and have the fact that my dad has been out of work for almost a year.
It's just too much.
It isn't fucking fair.
And you know it.
I quit.
posted by free_reverie at 12:54 PM
1 Comments:
Awww. Amanda I am so sorry! I'm not sure what else to say at the moment. I want to wrap you up in a big hug right now. this will have to do. {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}
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