Waiting.

My dad went through the surgery well... while it was supposed to only be a scope down his throat, it ended up being actual surgery. He had lymph nodes, pieces of the tumor, his jugular vein, and neck muscle removed. It ended up being far more extensive than my mom antcipated. He does have metastatic squamous neck cancer, and they haven't found the primary tumor yet. They're currently biopsing the lymph nodes and the like now, and we won't have those results till Monday.

My dad will be in the hospital till at least tomorrow, if not this weekend.

Apparently at the very least he'll need radiation, if not radiation and chemo. But since we don't know how far this has spread, we don't know his chances for recovery.

My mom cried on the phone. She's far more worried than she's telling me, which makes my stomach just clench. I couldn't help myself, and I just bawled while talking to her. I held back when I first found out, but I couldn't help but just cry. She said she wished I was there. She never says that, because she knows that it's so hard for me to be 8 hours away with no way of getting home. The fact that she said that just underscores how bad it could be.

I'm so worried about my dad, but I have so many other things that I need to take care of: school, Phi Mu, work... I have to ignore my problems so I can do things for others.

But last night after talking to my mom, I just crawled into bed with my teddy bear Bonzo that I've had since birth, and sobbed. I sobbed until my roommate got back, and then I just lay there, thinking about my dad and missing him and worrying.

Then I slept.

And even though I got around 8 hours of sleep last night, I feel like I haven't slept a wink.

Just three more hours of class, three hours of work, and one to two hours of Phi Mu tonight and then I can just lay in bed and watch movies or sleep or cry or all three. Thank the Lord for no Friday classes.

But I would rather have every single class on Fridays if I could make sure that my dad was safe and healthy.